You are your children’s best role models.

Whatever you do, whatever you say, however you behave, they are watching!…..They are also listening! …. And all of it is being stored in their memory to copy one day! ……….So!….. If you don’t want your children to use language that is unbecoming of them, or behave in a certain manner that you do not approve, don’t say it or do it in front of them! The brain as a principle will generalize, edit and distort facts; it will magnify some and minimize others.
Your children’s little brains are like active video machines that are constantly recording what they see, hear, feel, smell or taste, as they take in information through their senses. These films can be played back at anytime in the future. So if you are in the habit of swearing or throwing things when things don’t go your way, beware!…. Don’t be surprised if your children repeat these behaviours in the future! ………. Good enough for Mummy and Daddy, good enough for me!

Remember, your children only ever get ONE childhood! If you get it wrong, there is no going back and saying: ” Let’s forget the past few years and start again!”. Your children are only one year old, three years old, five years old or thirteen years old, but once! They can’t relive the same year twice for us to get it right the next time. Whatever they experience as a child, will make them the kind of adults they are tomorrow. It is important to remember, that the way they are treated, the experience of the world that we give them, the values and beliefs that we instill in them, will produce the adults they will be tomorrow. Our children are little adults in training waiting to graduate when the time comes. It is important to make the family and extended family a tension-free zone and a happy one as much as possible. A child who grows up with peace around him will learn to love the world; and the world will love him right back.

A child who experiences tension and dramas in his family of origin, can become an anxious adult who can suffer from anxiety, panic attacks or depression. Make the atmosphere in the house as relaxed as you can …. and that doesn’t mean letting them get away with murder! it is finding the right balance. If they do wrong, you must discipline them and show them the better way.

As a child, our children are learning their values in life by what we teach them and by what pleases or displeases us; by the way we behave, by the way we treat them and others and by what they observe. If respect, dignity and honesty are important to us, then we must always behave genuinely in that way and treat each other with respect, dignity and honesty at all times. If we show aggression to them and others, they will become aggressive adults. As a rule, boys often tend to follow their fathers as girls tend to follow their mothers. If we behave as a victim or a doormat, we must not be surprised if our children become someone else’s door mat for them to wipe their feet on when they are adults! We need to teach our children from an early age that they are not victims and that they are nobody’s doormat either.

We need to build their self-esteem and teach them to believe in themselves and teach them to problem-solve for themselves. We need to teach them to be resilient, to be persistent and not to be discouraged and give up if they do not succeed the first time. We need to encourage them to keep trying UNTIL they are successful.

Parenting Tips:

1. Be consistent: In other words, don’t let them get away with things sometimes and chastise them for the same things at other times. That means you have to be consistent in your belief and behaviour every time.
2. If you say No …. It’s No! no matter what! Don’t just give in after a while and say YES for an easy life.
3. Think first, before you say No – you may end up thinking later that it would have been okay to say YES – and consequently give in.
4. Parents must agree between themselves how they choose to discipline their children – if one parent says NO, and the other parent says YES, the children will soon work you out! If Mummy says says NO, I’ll ask Daddy! You must show unity and be on the same page and back each other up. If you disagree, do not do it in front of the children and decide together what you will do. Present a united front at all times!
5. If you threaten to do something, you must follow through what you said – otherwise the children get to know that you won’t keep your word and will not take any notice of you. Disciplining them becomes a real battle.
6. Don’t give in just because they are whining or crying or because you are wanting to bribe them. What you are teaching them is: “If you keep whining or crying, you will eventually get your own way” …. “The louder you cry or shout, you will get what you want”.
6. Reward good behaviour. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Reward them with praise or going to the park or swimming. You can reward them with hugs and cuddles and let them see how pleased you are with them. It’s good to get down to their level, give them good eye contact and tell them how pleased you are with them.
8. Ignore bad behaviour as much as possible. Pick your battles. If they are doing something that’s annoying and that irritates you, but they are not doing any harm to anyone or anything ………..Ignore them! If you keep paying attention to them at that particular time, you are fueling their fire. Remember, negative attention is still attention. Children would rather have negative attention than be ignored. Be aware not to reward them with cuddles immediately after a negative behaviour. You can give them a cuddle later on when they are behaving well, so that they can associate the reward with the good behaviour.
9. The rule is simple: if you want to see a behaviour again, make a fuss of it and praise them; tell Daddy, tell Nana, tell the world! If you do not want to see a negative behaviour again, ignore it or give it very little attention.
10. Use Time-out instead of smacking or yelling at them. If they misbehave while you are out, you can still use time-out. Every room has a corner. Make them face the corner and don’t give them any attention. If a child is two years old, he stays there for three minutes after the behaviour has got better. If a child is three years old, it is four minutes and so on. Main thing is to be consistent.
11. Use praise: By praising your children when they behave well, you are building their self-esteem. Having good self-esteem will help them to become well adjusted adults later and make better choices for themselves.
12. Encourage your children always. Teach them to problem-solve and help them make right choices for themselves. Encourage them to try things and not to be afraid of having a go. It is better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. Encourage them to be free and open.
13. Help them to value love and unity in the family. To love each other and care for one another. Help them to do things for each other and praise them for it. Always remember they will be looking up to you for approval. They will later on treat their husbands, wives and children in the way that they have been brought up. You are their best role model. So your job is very important; you are responsible for how the next generation will be brought up! ….. Have you ever thought of that?
14. Remember that as children, you are helping them make their childhood memories and as parents you have been given a great gift: Your children. They are only children for a small amount of time; they are only lent to us but for just a while …….. until they become strong enough to spread their wings in the big wide world. Spoiling them and letting them do whatever they want, maybe because you believe you are “too soft” is not being a good parent and kind to your children. So use your parenting priviledges and give them the best experience you can when they are children, so that they can become fully fledged adults one day, who think of others, who are confident, kind, loving, intelligent, compassionate about others and passionate about life and who make the best choices for their lives. Adults, that you can be proud to say that you had a hand in bringing them up.

10 Secrets for a happy and long-lasting relationship

Some couples stay together 20, 30, 40 years and more while others struggle to last one, two years or five years together! To some having a great relationship is an absolute puzzle while they flit from relationship to relationship searching for that ideal mate.

Here are some tips to help you in your intimate relationship:

1. Compatibility: The first essential ingredient is that both parties are compatible to each other. In other words you are looking for someone who is like-minded, maybe similar in temperament, with similar values to you. That’s why the initial selection of an ideal partner to you is critical for a long-lasting relationship. There is no such thing as “one size fits all”. Using criteria such as “he seems like a nice guy” or “she’s hot” and pray that the rest will work out, is not good enough for longevity of a relationship! No! You need to be able to choose well for someone who is compatible with you for who you are. His hot looks won’t work when he is irritating the hell out of you! Someone who is completely compatible for your friend may be completely incompatible for you, no matter how like your friend, you think you are! That means having similar beliefs and values and being on a similar level as you are. Of course, it is important and exciting to have that initial attraction and magnetism, but it’s not everything, which is why you need to be quick on deciding whether you want to be in this relationship or not, at the very beginning. Once you are hypnotised by love, you’re done for! You can no longer think rationally! …….They no longer can do anything wrong! …..you’re excited; drugged by love; you can’t wait and can’t breathe till you see them again! …… That is…….until you get to know them better! …………Aah! …. Those irritating habits or that temper!!! But if you are compatible or well matched, there is nothing better!
2. Choices: As I mentioned the initial choosing of a partner is fundamental, but also the choices that each partner makes during their relationship together is as important. If you are making choices that will not only affect you but affect your partner without discussion or their consent, then you are looking for trouble. If you or your children are affected by your partner’s poor life’s choices, this relationship isn’t built on solid grounds and is flawed, and ultimately will not last. The choices and decisions that you make are usually based on the values you hold and the beliefs you have, including your personal rules about life, which is why compatibility is essential.
3. Trust: If there is no trust between couples, however much they want their relationship to work, it will fail. Trust is another indispensable ingredient for a couple to have a happy and long-lasting relationship. Without trust you don’t have each other’s backs; without that you can’t relax and know that your partner will always be there for you no matter what and will do whatever they trust is best for you. Banish suspicion and jealousy from your relationship. If you have been hurt in a previous relationship, and find that you have now lost trust in the opposite sex, go and get some professional help if you can’t get rid of your own suspicion and jealousy. Do not bring them into your new relationship, as it will end like the previous one….Dead! If your partner is going to cheat on you, deal with it then but choose to be happy until you know ‘facts’, not imagination. No matter how much you suspect it beforehand or get jealous, you will never be able to prevent it. Either way, a relationship with a lack of trust, with the addition of jealousy and suspicion, this relationship is doomed! Unwarranted suspicion and jealousy can only bring tears, hurt and misery, and is no recipe for a happy, long-lasting relationship. So, trust is a vital component of a happy, long-lasting relationship. When you trust, you are open, your conscience is clear and you can live with honesty and integrity. You both have nothing to hide but plenty to share and enjoy.
4. Communication: Good relationships thrive on good communications. Take the time to communicate clearly to your partner what your needs are and take the time to find out from them what their needs are. If you make a mistake, it is more than okay to admit it. In fact it is far easier to admit it rather than try and cover up for it. Sulking is never okay and not a mature way of reacting. Instead it breeds resentment. Never be too proud to say I’m sorry! In fact try to be the hero who says sorry first if warranted. If you have doubt, talk about them. If your needs aren’t being met and you are feeling taken for granted, discuss it. If something is troubling you, deal with it and explore it together. Postponing it or procrastinating only make things worse and puts a strain on the relationship. Be honest and open, respecting your partner’s feelings, but say it! You may find that your partner is more forgiving than you gave them credit for. Be aware that when you want to communicate something to someone, that your job isn’t just to blurt it out! To be a good communicator, you need to make sure that the person you are talking to has ‘completely understood’ what you are saying. That’s your job!
5. Respect each other: No respect in a relationship is the kiss of death to that relationship. We have all been born with an innate free will; then we must exercise it! Choose to respect your partner; choose to respect their opinion, even if you disagree with it. The mature way is to agree to disagree. Treat them as you wish to be treated. Banish obscenities out of your language towards one another. Of course, you will disagree; that’s life! People have disagreements all the time, but we mustn’t let it escalate to World War three. Why is it that because you are in a relationship, that you are suddenly expected to think alike on all subjects? The answer is: You’re not! You were two individual people who got together; that doesn’t make you one person! You have your own free will, your own thoughts, your own likes and dislikes, your own values and beliefs………..so enjoy your individuality and vive la difference! However, as long as your partner feels “heard” and that you respected their point of view, as mature adults, you can choose to agree to disagree…………and that’s okay!………and you can both move on!
6. The best things in life are free: Be generous. Happy couples are very generous towards one another. The most important things to be generous about cost nothing! So, be generous with…..Your love; Your time; Your attention; Your contribution, Your compliments. True love is generous, so invest time in your relationship; true love is freedom that also means sharing your partner with others at times and not keeping them all to yourself. What you get from a lover is very different from what you get from a mother, brother, sister, friend, colleague, neighbour, club member etc. And research shows that we need all these relationships to be emotionally fulfilled and happy. So true love also means letting go, knowing that your love will always come back to you appreciative and happy! Your relationship needs all these to thrive and flourish. Thoughtlessness, greed and selfishness are enemies’ ingredients for a happy long-lasting relationship. These send you down the road of “splitzville” before you have the time to realize it.
7. Forgiveness: Forgiveness is essential for couples to be happy in their relationships. If you get used to forgiving the little every day things that may be irritate you, then it becomes easier to forgive the bigger things when you have to. You don’t have to declare war or a cold front when you have any little disagreement. If it’s difficult to forgive something that is trivial but irritates the hell out of you, then, this is where you put your communication skills into action. You can compromise or explain yourself in such a way that your partner would want to please. Again be the hero; try saying “sorry” first! Don’t say sorry because you are wrong (of course be the first to admit it if you are), but say sorry that you are fighting and you will see that your partner will meet you half way,and forgiveness comes naturally. If forgiveness doesn’t come easy to you, all the more reason to practice it on a daily basis, as unforgiveness in a relationship can quickly become toxic and end it. Anger, resentment, or vengeance has absolutely no place in a happy relationship. Forgiveness is a very selfish act. You forgive for “your sake”, in order for “you” to feel better. When you forgive, it is you who feels better, not the other person. You forgive so that “you” can be happy again. Practice compassion and show empathy to your partner on a regular basis. Choose “to let go of any ill feelings” and be free!
8. Develop an attitude of gratitude: If you develop an attitude of gratitude, you get to appreciate the good and simple things in life. If you are grateful for the sunshine, a wonderful sunset, the car you drive, the children you have, the partner you have, you get to really appreciate all these things on a daily basis, instead of just taking them for granted or accepting these things as the way life is. There is no special joy in just accepting things as they are but there is a lot of joy in being grateful for the sun that shines, eyes that see (becoming aware that not everyone can see), ears that can hear (not everybody’s ears can hear), a mouth that can eat or speak (not everyone can talk or eat by themselves for that matter) for every part of your body that functions (not everybody can walk or do things with their hands). If you have gratitude in your heart, anger and resentment are a long way away. If you show gratitude to each other on a consistent basis, you stand a real good chance of being a happy couple. Every single day when you wake up and before you go to bed, think of all the good reasons why you are grateful to have your partner in your life. Rehearse it! Rehash it! And let it be etched in your subconscious! …….and don’t forget to let your partner know why you are so grateful and happy to have them as a partner.
9. Choose Confidence: You need to have confidence in your own right as a human being. Don’t expect your confidence to come from your partner. It’s not their job to give you confidence. Confidence is something you have to work on yourself to develop. That is your responsibility. You have to know that you don’t “need” each other or that you don’t “own” one another. You “choose” to be together in an equal relationship partnership. Neediness and co-dependency are adverse to any happiness in a couple relationship. These are very dysfunctional behaviours. Have the confidence to hold on to your own family and friends, your own hobbies and interests as well as having mutual interests and mutual friends. You do not have to be a clone of each other. Do not forget your own family, who brought you up and made you the person you are today, just because you are now in a relationship. If you do that, your relationship will become dysfunctional and resentment will become a major factor between you even if you pretend to the world that all is well. Encourage each other to enjoy both your families together and separately. Do not lose your identity, to become more like your partner. Have the confidence to be who you really are. Having an equal relationship doesn’t mean that one person does everything and the other does nothing. It means pulling your weight. Have the confidence to grow to become the person you are destined to be. Have the confidence to be your unique self, not a miserable replica of someone else.
10. 10.  Always assume that you are on the same side: It is very easy when daily life takes over that you can get cranky, tired and grumpy. This can soon escalate into a full blown row if you are not careful. At times like this, you suddenly get very upset with the other person and treat them like enemy number one! Nothing they do is right! Nothing they say is right! ….It is important to remind yourself especially at times like this that your partner is not your enemy! He is on the same team as yours. If you attack him, you attack your team member, i.e. yourself, and there is no winner here! It is important to find a better outlet for your frustrations than using your partner and allowing some silly irritating thing that they may have done turn into a declaration of war. Instead think about resurrecting the peace treaty and how you can make the evening turn into a triumph instead of a disaster! Keep in mind that exercise is a wonderful way of getting rid of anger and frustration. Remember how you used to make each other laugh when you first met? Well, then?….Don’t forget to use humour and make each other laugh!! It is a sure way of dissolving conflict!!! To finish add a good dose of staying power!

If you follow this formula, well? …… Happy 40^th anniversary!

What do clients say about Lily at Lily Lifestyle Coaching?

• The Coach has taught me to go back to my beliefs and values and believe that they will not fail me through life. She has ingrained strength and assertiveness within me for my future. Thank you Lily.
• Dear Lily thank you for helping me let go of the past, to live and enjoy the present, and to believe in a future filled with endless possibilities. You are a great coach, counsellor, and motivator! I will never forget your touch on my life. I love the new positive me!! Thank you, love ,Jo xxx
• Dear Lily, you have shown me that despite how “strong” you are because of your life experiences, you are still capable of being compassionate and able to learn how to forgive which allows for you to have a soul. I still have a lot to learn but I am thankful you are my teacher. C xx
• Thank you Lily you have saved my life. I will never forget it. Love, xx
• As of yesterday I was accepted into a property investment program. Lily helped show me where to look to find my passion for my career and my relationships. My world looks totally different than 12 months ago. Thank you so much Lily, love Michael.
• Lily, thank you for showing me that there is light at the end of the tunnel when I thought there would never be. I am so glad you were there back in May. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, this is one of them. Thank you so much. Clare.
• I found the sessions to be motivating and in general very positive. Life Coaching is a good way to get direction, strength or commitment to goals. If you are already doing well in your chosen tasks there is always room for improvement and this is a great way to “springboard” yourself towards more success be it personal or in business. Thank you Lily.
• Lily is a very warm, approachable person who made me feel very comfortable in airing my problems and I would recommend her to anyone who needs coaching.
• Thank you Lily Foyster. You have changed my life. I will keep seeing you Lily. You have made me understand what life is.
• Lily helped me find me again! The confidence I now have in myself has changed my life and my impact on others. Thank you! Xxx
• I can now look in the mirror and say “You are beautiful”. Thank you Lily xx
• To Lily, thank you for helping me find and love me again. I am so grateful as you have helped me so much to realize that life is beautiful. Xxooxx Ange
• When I came to Lily I was lost, after seeing her I feel like I am finding the “real me” again. Comfortable from the moment I walked through the door. Thank you for your honesty. X
• I have been introduced to me after 50 years of living together! …And I like me!! Brian x
• Having lost direction and not knowing how to get back seemed impossible until meeting Lily. I now have total control of my life and future. I am so grateful. Thank you Lily. I
• Lily has taught me to go back to my beliefs and values and believe that they will not fail me . Thank you Lily. Karen
• Thanks Lily for doing your job with such love. Alex xxo
• The truth hurts sometimes, but Lily’s advice can really change your life. You just need to stop the bad habits and make it happen. Jamie
• Thank you Lily you have reminded me of my strengths and humbled me. Anxiety is no longer a part of my life. Thank you, Heather xx
• It wasn’t a good period for me having postnatal depression, but I’m glad I had it because with your help Lily, I got to know a lot of things about myself. Thank you so much for everything, love. N xx
• Lily you are an angel; your words, your wisdom and your guidance has brought peace not only to me but to my husband and children‘s lives. I can’t thank you enough. Love Sarah xx
• An excellent experience. We highly recommend Lily Foyster. We are never going to let you go Lily. We will always be in contract! Love, Patrizia x.
• To Lily, I would like to say thank you for all the help you have given me and my family. I am very grateful for meeting you. You have been a God sent. I will definitely recommend you to anyone. You’re the best!! Love, Sonya xxxooo.
• Dear Lily, thank you for teaching me to believe in myself again. I will be forever grateful. Love, Bec xx
• Life coaching with Lily has really helped me discover, understand and manage anxiety. Lily is such a lovely, bright, vibrant, wise, funny lady who inspires me to be the best I can and choose to be. I recommend Lily’s services to anyone who has small or mammoth issues as she will guide you back on track. Love Fi xx
• You can do anything! Just try! Love, S
• Amazing work!
• Well done Lily!
• We were very lucky to meet you! Thanks for everything!! Xx
• Very happy and am able to go day by day feeling confident and less angry! When I do get angry I can now calm down very quickly
• Thank you Lily for enabling me to take my life and run with it.
• Thank you for helping me to see myself in a positive way. I can now have the confidence to contribute at work much more than I thought I could. I don’t hold myself back anymore. My attitude is to “just try it”. I am always happily surprised. S.H

   

What to expect from your Life Coach:

–          As your coach I will support you to set specific goals that you truly want.

–          I will motivate you to do more than you have achieved until now on your own.

–          I will help you to keep focused so that you can achieve positive results quickly.

–          I will provide you with tools and resources support you, give you structure and varied strategies and techniques in order to accomplish more.

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What is Life Coaching?

Anyone who wants to achieve a certain goal in life can use a Life Coach.  This goal can be anything from becoming more successful at work, achieving a project or to help you to straighten your life by improving the quality of your life or your relationships.

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